


Stained With Blood of the Innocent in Love

by eternallyheartbeating



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Eventual Fluff, F/F, F/M, Hanahaki AU, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Near Death Experiences, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Post-Game(s), Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Saihara's POV, Simulation, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Super Dangan Ronpa 2 Spoilers, some of my personal headcanons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-25 16:53:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13839021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternallyheartbeating/pseuds/eternallyheartbeating
Summary: Simulations and The Future Foundation and Chaos.and The Hanahaki claws at Saihara's throat as they all try to survive.There's a fine line between life and death.





	1. Scars of a Past: Part I

He woke with a burn.

Pain flooded through his arm. 

Saihara Shuichi woke with a start, wincing at the dull pain throbbing deep in his nerves. He sat up and glanced at his arm and his eyes fell on a mark that wasn’t there before. It looked as if some piece of tech had burned him under his skin. He looked around. He was in a small hospital room with lots of tech next to the bed that he was in. A strange type of IV was plugged into his wrist. The sight of a needle and wires under his skin made him feel sick. He ripped it out. It hurt for a split second. The pain faded and a small drop of blood peeked out from where the needle had been under his skin. He winced a bit at the sight of blood… 

Then it all came back to him. 

The Killing Game. Danganronpa. All of his friends that he cared about… dead. Except Yumeno and Harukawa. The last he saw of so many friends was a bloody mess. He shuddered as a chill went down his spine when his thoughts drifted to the last time he saw his friends. 

“Oh my god, you’re awake,” A voice spoke. Shuichi was confused. A tall woman with dark hair in two twin tails wearing doctor’s scrubs stood in the doorway to the room that he had woken up in. “Oh it worked, thank goodness.”

“What worked? Who are you? Where am I?”

“Um, I understand if you’re m-mad at me. I-I’m sorry for not explaining.” She spoke.

“Uh, I’m not mad at you… just, please explain to me.” Shuichi replied.

She nodded. “What worked was the tech connected to your nerves that woke you. I did not know if it would work… looks like Souda-san was right.

“I am Tsumiki Mikan. I was the former Super High School Level Nurse. I am not in high school anymore, but I am a doctor and I’ve been tending to the students of the 53rd Killing Game. You’re in a hospital where we hid you.”

“Students…”

“Oh… you do not know…” Tsumiki said nervously. 

“Saihara-kun!” A familiar voice shouted. Akumatsu ran through the door. 

“That’s not possible.” He immediately said. Days ago he had seen Akumatsu’s dead body hanging from the ceiling before being impaled by the brutal execution. But yet she stood in front of him, alive, wearing a hospital gown, with rope scars around her neck and scarred fingertips. She smiled at him, tears in the corners of her eyes. “A-Akumatsu-kun? Is it really you? You-you died?”

“I did! I mean… kind of.” Akumatsu said, running up to his bedside. She hugged him and he hugged back, trying to hold back tears. They were happy tears he thought. His friend… he had to see her die, but she was alive and well and they were in each other’s arms.

“Excuse me, I hate to interrupt you two, but I’m going to put Saihara-san’s IV back in. He needs fluids.” Tsumiki said. Akumatsu took a step back to give Tsumiki space. She took the IV that Shuichi had formerly ripped out, cleaned it off, took his arm and gently inserted it back into his wrist. Shuichi barely felt anything except her caring touch. Tsumiki quickly left. 

“Akumatsu-kun.” He whispered. “You died… how… how are you here?”

“We’re all alive, Saihara-kun. All of us.” She said. His eyes widened. 

“How is that possible?”

“Well, I’m probably not going to explain it as well as Naegi-san will.”

“Who’s Naegi?

“Oh… I can’t explain who he is, but he’s the reason why we’re here and we’re alive.” She fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist. A hospital wristband. He glanced at his wrist and as he expected he had one as well. “Uh it’s hard to explain, but I’ll try.”

“Spit it out then,”

“Well, basically, Naegi-san is the leader of an organization called the Future Foundation. They uh, located us before we were sent into the Game. And rescued us. The game was real but it also wasn’t. It was a simulation. But our bodies still felt as if they died and that’s why we have injuries from the game. But we’re alive… Thanks to Tsumiki-san. She took good care of us while she nursed us back to health… she still had her moments but she did good.”

“Moments?”

“I just hope she can save Kiibo,” Akumatsu said, ignoring his previous comment. 

“Is he okay?” Shuichi asked, with worry. Kiibo was a good friend to him… what Akumatsu had said sent a pang of anxiety through him.

“He woke up a day or two before you did, in a critical condition. He…” She paused, choking on her words, scrunching her eyes to try and not cry. “H-he could die.”

“But… But everyone’s alive right? Everyone’s okay?” 

Akumatsu nodded. Shuichi felt himself relax a bit. If everyone was alive… _he_ was alive. His chest tightened and he held back a cough.

Akumatsu took his hand and with a sweet smile said, “You look like you’re constipated, Saihara-kun.”

“Wow, thanks,” He coughed a bit into his hand. He felt warm blood splatter onto his hand. So the disease wasn’t just in the game… it was real too. He was in love and he was dying. He clenched his hand into a fist and smiled at Akumatsu… he couldn’t let her know what was wrong. 

“Nishishi, what a sweet reunion! Too bad Momota-chan isn’t here, he’s too busy crying with Harukawa-chan.”

Shuichi clenched his opposite fist as well. “What are you doing here, Ouma-kun?”

“Oh, are you not happy to see me alive and well? Nishishi~ Where’s the love, Saihara-chan?” Ouma said, putting his arms behind his head, revealing a scar from a shot from Harukawa. Shuichi took a sharp intake of breath as he noticed faint scars scattered on the other boy’s arms and legs. Those… weren’t from the game. 

“I…” He started, but Ouma smiled. Not  a sly tricky smile, a genuine smile. His heart skipped a beat. He felt his throat tighten. “I am happy to see the two of you alive.” He choked out. “Uh, can I have a moment alone to process this.” He lied. Akumatsu nodded and stepped  out of the room, Ouma yelled “That’s a lie!” before the door closed on him. 

Shuichi scrambled up out of the bed, knocking the bedding onto the ground. He scanned the room for a trash can and spotted on on the other side of the bed. He dragged the IV pole with him to reach for the can. He grabbed it just in time. 

He coughed and hacked. Blood splattered from his lips as he coughed up those damned petals. They tickled his throat as they came up in sputtering coughs.

Asphodel- My regrets follow you to the grave.

It was ironic how painfully accurate that meaning was.

It started before Gonta’s trial. Saihara spent some free time with Ouma, and in turn, fell in love with him. The last time Saihara spent time with him, Ouma said he wanted his heart, not his life. He said he had already won his heart and didn’t need to spend time with him anymore. Little did he know how true his words were. Ouma spoke with Shuichi less after this, so Shuichi admired him from afar, yearning for love that he wished he could recieve back. Then the worst thing that Saihara thought could happen, came to be. Ouma died. It was bloody and gruesome, yet the disease still tainted his heart. 

As Akumatsu told him of the simulation, he hoped that the feelings were simulated as well. 

He was wrong. 

He continued to cough and choke into the bin, wheezing and gasping for air. Stained white petals in a flecked pool of blood rested at the bottom. Specks of blood stained his hands. 

“St-Stupid Ouma. Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He choked out. His eyes fluttered down to see a spot of blood on the collar of his shirt. “Damn…” A knock on the door sent his head shoot up.

“Saihara-kun, are you okay?” Akumatsu called through the door. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine!” He called back. How much time passed? He always loses time when it happens…

“Naegi-san is coming in to explain things formally.”

“Okay,” He spoke with a raspy voice. He scrambled up, wiping his hands on the rim of the trash can and sat back down on the bed just as the door opened.

Behind the door was a young man, slender and taller than Saihara. He had short mousy brown, messy hair. It was messy but it looked perfectly fitting for him. His eyes were a striking hazel. He wore a simple suit, a ring on his left ring finger, and a small smile. “Hello, Saihara.”

“Uh, hello,” He said nervously, hoping the young man wouldn’t notice the drops of blood on his collar, his stained hands, the mess of blood and petals in the trash can next to him, his suffering. 

“I’m uh, Naegi Makoto, you probably knew that though…” 

“Yeah…” Saihara didn’t care about what he had to say, he glanced down at his hands and fidgeted with the hem of the sheet. 

“I know what you’re thinking, Saihara,” The man- Naegi said with a smile. 

“Y-you do?” he stuttered out.

“Of course I do. You’re confused, probably scared, and worried.” Naegi said. “Everyone was when they awoke. I would know, I’m a survivor of the first ever killing game.”

Saihara sighed in relief. “Was yours a simulation?” 

Naegi laughed, “I wish, I lost many friends in the time of mine. I thought that Enoshima Junko was a friend… I was wrong and the world plunged into despair. I was still the Super High School Level Lucky Student, even though everyone died. But because of this...I became the Super High School Level Hope, like your friend Kiibo.”

“But… Kiibo… is the Super High School Level Robot...?” 

“Your talents were simulated, Saihara. Kiibo is human. Ouma’s D.I.C.E isn’t real. Akumatsu didn’t know how to play piano. You aren’t a detective.” he said. Saihara opened his mouth to protest but Naegi continued. “But because you went through a surgery you gained a talent. Whoever runs these games was able to do this because of the Kamukura Izuru projects. Now you are actually the Super High School Level Detective, Akumatsu is the Super High School Level Pianist. Kiibo is the Super High School Level Hope.”

“What about Ouma-kun?” Saihara asked, “Um, uh not that I care, but you used him as an example.” 

“He has the qualities to be the Super High School Level Supreme Leader, but he has no actual followers. So tecnacally he’s the Super High School Level Supreme Leader, I guess,” Naegi said awkwardly. “And um…ah, never mind, I’ll let Tsumiki-kun talk to you about that later.”

“About what?” 

Naegi waved his hand dismissively. “We’ll be keeping you all in this hospital until every one of you are healed enough, then we can release you to your places of choice. We’ve been chasing down whoever’s behind the Games for seven years. We were extremely lucky to locate you during that split second of a mistake. I mean Komaeda was there when we did so… Yeah, so to explain why your class of the Killing Game is alive, we found the location where you, a group of talentless students were being held and undergoing the surgery to gain talents. After the surgery we took you while still under the effects of the surgery, we kept you in a simulated state. I mean, we had no choice, if we had woken you up, you would’ve died. So you were forced to participate in the 53rd killing game. As you died per se, you woke up in the real world and memories from your past life should come back soon.”

“But… we still have our Super High School Level  talents, right?” Shuichi questioned. 

“Oh, yeah, I should know. I heard Akumatsu play piano after she awoke. It’s unmistakeably Super High School Level talent.” He grinned, “And I was formerly a Super High School Level student, I was the Super High School Level Luck before I was the Super High School Level Hope.” 

Naegi got up to exit, “I hope you understand what’s going on now. Once Tsumiki-kun releases you, you should come meet everyone. I think you’d get along with my wife.” With that comment, he left the room, leaving the door open for Akumatsu to re-enter the room. 

“So… I think I’ll let Tsumiki-san check up on you, then we can catch up more later,” Akumatsu grinned. Saihara nodded and Akumatsu walked away. He heard the click of her feet retreat, skipping along the floor.

Saihara was grateful that everyone was alive but that only prompted dark thoughts to stir in his mind. 

How much longer did he have to live?


	2. Scars of a Past: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some parts cannot be forgotten.

Shuichi stared at his bloodstained hands, waiting for Tsumugi to enter the room. He knew that Kiibo wasn’t in a good condition, but others could be terribly hurt as well. He started to breathe more heavily, trying to get all the air he could into his crowded lungs. Ever since he got the disease, each moment has had made it harder and harder to breathe. 

“They can’t ever know…” He murmured to himself. He imagined the thought of everyone knowing… their stares would break his heart even further. He imagined how their eyes would pierce into him, how they would ignore him for being in love with someone who they hated as much as Ouma. How would Ouma react? He wouldn’t care. He would… act and lie his way through this. He… would say that he loved Shuichi but he would lie, just to see him hurt more. That’s what he would’ve done if he had know during the game. Why had Shuichi fallen in love with him? He knew Ouma would never love him back. Yet when Ouma smiles, his heart skips a few beats, and he’s the happiest he’s even been when they talk together. Despite his lies, he has a kind and caring soul. But… would he be pleased with Shuichi’s suffering? Would he feel any remorse? Knowing that he would never love him back made Shuichi feel empty inside. The conversations that made him so happy made his heart break in pieces over and over again, seeing Ouma so happy without knowing… happy with just being friends. Happy… Ouma was happy. So Shuichi had to be happy too, he could hide the bloodstains, he could hide the mess of petals… so everyone could be happy. Shuichi’s heart hurt and his lungs ached. He would feel empty so everyone else could feel happy. 

Shuichi reached up and put his face in his hands and sighed. He quickly brought his hands back away. A single tear fell to his palm. “When did I start crying…” he said to himself. He wiped his face and laid back on the bed. He stared at the ceiling wishing his lungs weren’t so heavy. His lunges and the scratches in his throat ached. The fluorescent lighting of the room flickers every few seconds. Shuichi started to count the seconds in between the flickering to stop thinking about Ouma. He clenched his fists again, wishing to Tsumugi to check in on him so he could focus on something else besides his thoughts. As long moments passed and passed, he stared at the lighting until his eyes hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

“I-I’m so sorry for keeping you waiting,” Tsumiki said as the door creaked open. She entered with a small tray of food. “It’s not much but you need to get your energy up after being in the simulation for so long.”

“Thanks,”

“Judging from when Harukawa-san awoke, you should rest up for the remainder of the day, then tomorrow you can get up and walk around the building.”

“Is she doing okay?”

“Um, Harukawa-san? Yes she’s fine, she’s just a bit paranoid because she doesn’t fully trust us.” 

Shuichi nodded. It was understandable and it made since that Harukawa wouldn’t trust these people. Tsumiki stood up and exited, leaving the tray. Shuichi sighed, picking it up. He ate some, the taste was bland and it hurt to swallow. He forced it down his throat, despite the pain, starting to eat had made him realize how hungry he was. He regretted falling in love… if he didn’t fall in love he would be able to live without being afraid. 

~~He didn’t mean it.~~

He sighed, wishing that it all would go away, the pain, the fear. He shoved the tray away, lied down and closed his eyes. He hoped to drift away to sleep. He wouldn’t have to feel like this in his sleep.

He steadied his breathing and the world drifted away. 

__________________________

 

_ He roamed through an open field, catching glimpses of his friends but not who he was looking for. He looked to the sky and smiled as the sun beat down colorful rays. The field bloomed with flowers. He saw a figure in the distance, and he started to run to see who it was.  They stood alone, just staring off, not facing Shuichi. He caught up to the figure, placed his hand on their shoulder. The figure turned to reveal Ouma with sunken eyes and a cold face. Shuichi shuttered and felt eyes on the back of him. He turned and saw his friends in a perfect line, sunken faces, blood pouring out of their eyes and mouths. The sky darkened and storm clouds quickly filled the sky. He tried to scream, he tried to run but he couldn’t move. _

_ “Don’t run, Saihara, I thought you loved me.” A voice that wasn’t Ouma’s came from Ouma.  _

_ ‘I do, I do love you,’ he wanted to scream, but he couldn’t speak. Ouma stood in front of everyone else, fountains of blood pouring out of his dark, dark eyes.  _

_ “I hate you, Saihara, I always have and I always will.” _

_ Shuichi felt his heart breaking.  _

_ The flowers on the ground were asphodel.  _

_ With rivers of blood.  _

_ Voiceless whispers weighed down on him and he could only drop to his knees. _

__________________________

 

Shuichi woke with a scream. And a cough. 

“Are you okay, Saihara-kun?” Akumatsu said. She was sitting in a chair in the corner with an open book. 

“Since when were you in here?”

“I’ve been kind of just… sitting here so you could have some company when you woke up,” She said. “Did you have a nightmare?” 

“Y-yeah.”

She gave a soft smile. “I understand, I had nightmares for a full week after I got out of the simulation. I bet it’s worse for you since you had to see everyone except Harukawa and Yumeno die.” He shuddered at the thought of that. “The only one that I saw die was Amami-kun and… myself I guess. I can’t imagine what it must've been like for you.”

“It was like feeling emptier every time someone died. I thought I felt as empty as I could be, but I just felt emptier and emptier. I…” Saihara felt tears come to his eyes. “I want to see everyone alive… I want everyone to be okay. So we all can be happy again.”

He wanted everyone to be happy, even if he wouldn’t be happy himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me with that anGST 
> 
> Feel free to comment, it means the world to me!! If you want to see any designs for characters or some blurbs about this AU, my tumblr is eternallyheartbeating and anything related to AUs are under the tag brecks AUs.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Starting Again Under The Shadow of Despair: part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Background on the remnants of despair

The day had gone on and Akumatsu had left to go sleep in her room. It seemed impossible for Shuichi to sleep. His thoughts wandered all over… killing game… simulation… Future Foundation… life… death… Ouma. He sighed as his thoughts repeated themselves over and over. He squeezed his eyes shut and pushed all his thoughts away and soon he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

He awoke to the familiar feeling of petals ticking their way up his throat as his lungs lurched and throat tightened. He quickly reached for the trash bin, the motion already familiar for him. As he coughed, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful red looked against white. The blood against the white of the petals. Again he thought of this sick metaphor that he was living through. He shook his head and placed the bin back, just as Tsumiki entered.

“Oh, I-I’m sorry, Saihara-san. There is a restroom located to the left of your bedroom, if you need to wash up.” She spoke, “Please forgive me. And you can go to the kitchens and get some food afterwards, I can show you where it is.”

“Thank you, Tsumiki-san.” She scrambled to carefully take out his I.V. He sat up and slowly got to his feet. His head hurt for a moment, but it passed. Tsumiki took a few steps back to give him space, nodded as he got to his feet and exited. He followed suit, taking a left and entering the bathroom. It was small, but big enough for all the necessities. He went to the sink and started to wash the dried blood from his fingernails. As he methodically scrubbed he glanced at his reflection. The spot of blood on his collar was dried, no use washing out. There were bags under his eyes and he looked pale. He sighed for the millionth time it seemed, before drying his hands and leaving.

Tsumiki was waiting for him. “You ready, Saihara-san?” He nodded and she started walking down the halls. He followed her through the twists and turns of the long halls. They passed some people, all faces Shuichi didn’t recognise. Men and women in suits. Some people that he had never seen in his life, but they way they dressed somehow seemed to fit their personality perfectly. A taller, blonde, woman, who wore a kimono and several other traditional accessories, passed Tsumiki. Saihara saw her eye her down. The woman placed a fast, precisely timed kick to the back of her knee, a kick of ultimate speed. Tsumiki let out a shriek and Shuichi stopped in his tracks as she fell to her knees. 

“I-I thought I told you not to do that, Hiyoko-kun…” 

The woman, Hiyoko, laughed at Tsumiki. Shuichi took a few steps back. Tsumiki slowly stood up, laughing… not a good laugh. A dark laugh. “I told you what would happen if you did this again.”

“Ha! You think I’d listen to you? You stupid bitch, Mikan.”

Both of them produced a weapon in record times, Hiyoko a small dagger, and Tsumiki, a syringe filled to the brim with… something. Shuichi couldn’t know. Both jumped into movement and both had precise attacks that almost stabbed one another. They both blocked attacks and each got close to stabbing one another, before they each brought their weapons to the other’s necks, pressing hard, but not enough to draw blood. Tsumiki’s face didn’t seem to be normal for her. Blush came to her face as she grinned maniacally at the other girl’s knife to her throat. Hiyoko laughed, with a twisted grin. Shuichi saw her eyes. They were darker than they were a moment ago… Like how Shirogane’s eyes looked as despair took over her. 

A tall, short haired redhead woman ran up to Hiyoko, looking panicked. “Dammit, Hiyoko! Stop picking fights with Mikan! You two are going to destroy this hospital.”

Hiyoko’s eyes lightened a bit as the other woman put her hand on her shoulder. She dropped her arm and wiped away a bead of sweat. “Only for you, Mahiru-chan.” The woman, Mahiru, let her hand linger for a moment before she took her arm back. 

“My beloved wouldn’t like it this way.” Tsumiki panted, her voice sounded clouded. “She would be happy with your death.”

“Dammit, Mikan! There’s a child behind you, now’s not the time.” Mahiru spoke.

Tsumiki turned back to look at Shuichi. Her eyes, worse than Hiyoko’s. She was sweating more than Hiyoko. Her face glowed with blush. “Kids are easier to kill.”

“W-What the hell?” He sputtered. “Tsumiki-san, what happened? What… what is this?”

“Sorry, it can be like this sometimes.” Mahiru called. Tsumiki’s head snapped to her, syringe moving with. Mahiru then punched Tsumiki in the nose, a crack was heard, and her head snapped back. Mahiru took that moment to walk to Shuichi and shake his hand. “I’m Koizumi Mahiru, that’s Saionji Hiyoko.”

“Dammit, Mikan! There’s a child behind you, now’s not the time.” Mahiru spoke.

Tsumiki turned back to look at Shuichi. Her eyes, worse than Hiyoko’s. She was sweating more than Hiyoko. Her face glowed with blush. “Kids are easier to kill.”

“W-What the hell?” He sputtered. “Tsumiki-san, what happened? What… what is this?”

“Sorry, it can be like this sometimes.” Mahiru called. Tsumiki’s head snapped to her, syringe moving with. Mahiru then punched Tsumiki in the nose, a crack was heard, and her head snapped back. Mahiru took that moment to walk to Shuichi and shake his hand. “I’m Koizumi Mahiru, that’s Saionji Hiyoko.”

“Um, good to meet you,”

“Sorry about this. It’s Shuichi, right?” Koizumi asked. He nodded. “Well, this might take a moment, Mikan is one of the hardest to calm down.” the woman approached Tsumiki. Tsumiki laughed.

“Forgive me, Mahiru-kun!” She cried and tried stabbing Koizumi continuously, each time Koizumi blocked her. Shuichi watched in awe as the two fought. Koizumi had nothing to defend herself, except the bulky camera around her neck that she didn’t seem to use at all. Koizumi got close enough to Tsumiki, and wrapped her arms around the other woman. Shuichi saw her lips moving in a silent whisper against Tsumiki’s ear. Tsumiki struggled for a moment, her blush growing, then her eyes lightened and she dropped her arm, shoving the syringe back into her pocket. “I-I’m s-so sorry,” She said. Koizumi let go, and joined Saionji, who was eating gummies out of her pocket.

“What a show! This was fun, Mahiru, Mikan.” she chuckled and walked away, Koizumi on her heels.

“S-sorry that was a bit off track, Saihara-san. Let’s continue now.” Tsumiki said and started back down the hall again. Shuichi stood in the same spot, dumbfounded, as she walked away. He ran to catch up.

“Tsumiki-san, what the hell was that?”

“Oh, yes, you’re probably confused.”

“Like hell I am, I’m confused about most everyone and everything going on here!”

She nodded at his statement “Yes, yes, I know. To lessen your confusion, my class-er, my friends and I were a year above Naegi in Hope’s Peak. We were the class that helped cause the end of the world.”

“What the  _ hell _ ?”

“We weren’t  _ the _ cause, but we did align with Junko Enoshima. We are the Remnants of Despair.”

“The… Remnants….” 

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard bad things, and those are probably true, but Saihara-san, we are not bad people. We are not continuously in a state of despair, like Junko Enoshima was. We are good people, we love and laugh, just like you. It’s like a switch. Someone flips our switch, then we get set off into a state of despair. Like what you saw… Hiyoko can easily flip mine, and she loves to provoke me and we fight. We’ve almost killed each other. We’re always stopped. But every one of us has our own ways that we fall in and out of despair.”

“That’s… a lot.” He muttered. 

“I know, we’re stranger than most. But be glad you saw me fall in instead of Hajime. He’s the worst one of us when he’s in despair, and the hardest one to pull back out.” she explained, “Or Nagito, for that matter. He falls in more frequently than Hajime, and is almost as hard to pull out, but not quite.” 

“Do I have to be worried about these… Hajime and Nagito was it?” Shuichi asked.

  
“They’re Hinata and Komaeda to you, Saihara. And no, you do not have to worry about Hajime. He’s very in touch with both sides of himself. Komaeda’s fine if you just… try not to set him off.” She said.

“Okay…” 

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the kitchen.

 

CONTINUED IN STARTING AGAIN UNDER THE SHADOW OF DESPAIR: PART II 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAD A BURST OF ENERGY AND WROTE THIS!   
> SOME THINGS:  
> I LOVE MIKAN!!!  
> Follow my tumblr @eternallyheartbeating for character designs for this AU!!


	4. Starting Again Under The Shadow of Despair: part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Re-meeting friends and the disease strikes.

Saihara, entered the kitchen quickly. He generally liked Tsumiki, but he wanted to see the others so bad. 

“There will be a counter where you can get food! We usually keep Teruteru away from kids… and everyone… “ she trailed off as Shuichi ran into the kitchens. He didn't care. He wanted to see his friends.

“Momota!” he called. 

Momota grinned, he was like a puppy, getting excited at the sight of him. “Guys! Saihara-kun is up!” Some smiled. Momota hugged him as he came up to the table, Shuichi hugged back. Others came and joined the hug. Harukawa, Akumatsu, Iruma, Gokuhara, Yumeno, Angie. Shuichi smiled. Everyone pulled away at their own speed, but nothing was awkward. He was so happy to see everyone alive. Even Hoshi was smiling. He took a seat to the right of Momota. Harukawa was on his left… were they holding hands? Saihara looked around. The only one missing was Kiibo, but he knew why. Shirogane and Amami were laughing and chatting. Angie, Yumeno, and Chabashira sat together, talking and laughing together. Akumatsu and Iruma were holding hands and talking with Toujo. Ouma sat alone, observing everyone. His eyes rested on him. Ouma’s eyes flickered to him. They locked eyes for a moment, before Shuichi quickly turned away, feeling his face redden. He stared down at the table. A plate with a variety of foods got set down in front of him. 

“You’re welcome.” Momota said with a grin.

“Thanks,” Saihara replied, “What do you think about… all of this?”

“Oh, you mean,” Momota paused to take a bit of some food. “The Future Foundation?” 

Saihara nodded. 

“I think they’re pretty cool. I’m glad we’re here, y’know, not dead. Have you met Kirigiri-san? You’d like her.”

“I haven’t. But do you know about… the Remnants?”

“Oh! Yeah, we all found out eventually. I do like them, but it’s terrifying seeing them slip.” 

“I saw Tsumiki-san and Saionji fight.”

“We’ve all seen them fight. They fight a lot. Thank god for Koizumi, or we’d all be dead or something.” He chuckled. 

“Has anyone else slipped?” 

“Maybe, I don’t know. Ouma claims that Komaeda slipped and he saw what went down.” Momota said. “But you never know, I still don’t trust him.”

“Do you… trust Shirogane?” Shuichi asked. He didn’t know what to feel, considering she was the mastermind.

“That part of her wasn’t real. She’s kind to everyone… I like her, she’s nice, but I don’t fully trust her.”

Amami spoke up. “You talking about Shirogane-kun? She killed me! It’s funny how such good friends we are. If you all don’t trust her, I do at least.” She smiled at his comment, and wiped the corners of her eyes. Shuichi assumed that she felt bad about nobody trust her. It looked as if Amami’s words brought tears to her eyes.

“Wlw mlm solidarity,” Chabishrira whispered. 

“I… I’m not sure… who I trust now,” Shuichi muttered. 

“That’s only natural…” Harukawa said. “I woke up before you… it’s hard. And confusing.” He nodded. “I’m still not sure of everything myself. I know about just as much as you and everything that’s happening and everything that has happened is still confusing.”

“We all know how that feels, Harumaki.” Ouma spoke up.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Yep.”

“What do you mean by that?” Harukawa asked, forcefully.

“I just… don’t know who I am.”

“‘Course you do. You’re Ouma.” Momota interrupted. 

“I know that, you idiot. I just… hate who I was before the game. I thought if I waited for everyone to get back and acted how I did in the game, I could feel differently. Or something. I hate who I was in the game… and before. I don’t get the same thrill that I got from lying and teasing…” Ouma trailed off, “I’m sorry I’m rambling. I said too much. Ignore me.”

Everyone was silent, staring at Ouma. He looked embarrassed. “That’s the most you’ve ever said about yourself.” Chabashira said, breaking the silence. Ouma stood up, and ran out. Shuichi had the urge to stand up and go after him but he sat there. His throat tightened, and lungs twisted. 

“So,” His voice was interrupted by a choke. He forced himself to keep it down and keep talking. “Why do you have those scars, Harukawa-kun?”

He had noticed earlier. She had thick scars scattering her body, not from the game. 

“I was an assassin. For real.” 

Shuichi nodded at her words. It did make sense. She was toned, and still had her tough demeanor. He had so many things that he had to ask everyone. What were they like, what they think of the Future Foundation. He started to make a list in his head. Finish eating. Bite of this, bite of that, take a sip of water, repeat. Bite of this, bite of that, take a sip of water, repeat. Go see Ouma. Talk to Ouma. Talk to Yumeno. Talk to Shirogane. Talk to Amami. Talk to Gokuhara. Talk to Chabashira. Talk to Toujo. Talk to Iruma. Talk to Akumatsu. Talk to Hoshi. Talk to Angie. Talk to Shinguuji. Talk to Momota. Talk to Harukawa. Talk to everyone. Back to Ouma. Talk. Avert the disease. Talk. Cough. Cough. Choke. Choking. 

He was devoid of air. His throat closed. He saw all his friends around him talking as Shuichi’s throat closed up with asphodel and the taste of blood. “I… have… to go.” He wheezed out. He got up and ran. He ran and ran down the twisting and turning halls of the hospital, avoiding every person he saw, scouring for his room, or a trash can. Or anything, anywhere away from people. Away. His lungs and throat were overflowing. He couldn’t hold it in much longer. He felt hot tears brim at his eyes. He felt so deprived of air… he needed to breathe. He didn’t care where he was. He didn’t care who saw. He felt like he was going to die. He backed up against the wall, coughing into his hands. It was loud, it was messy. He felt hot blood strike his fingers. He coughed and coughed, trying to get the flowers out from his throat. After what seemed like forever of coughing, he felt the petals enter his mouth. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and pulled out the flower. It was as beautifully white as normal, covered in blood and flecks of saliva. It was a whole flower, not just a petal. He coughed some more, petals falling from his mouth into his hands. The tears that had come to his eyes moments before had started to silently pour down his cheeks. He shook with sobs as he coughed into his hands, blood dripping, throat. A drop of blood fell from the corner of his mouth. He took in a big gulp of air. He got to his feet, breathing steadily. 

“Saihara…Shuichi… ”  

He stopped. Turned around, bloody hands and all, tears running down his face.

Akumatsu stood there, wide eyed at the sight of him. Tears started to run down her face. 

He smiled at her sadly. “I know. I’m going to die, Akumatsu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting up that sweet, sweet angst ;))))
> 
> Check out the tag #brecks aus on my tumblr @eternallyheartbeating to see designs for the characters in this AU!


	5. Blood Stained Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akumatsu and Saihara talk about his disease.

They sat on opposite sides of Shuichi’s bed, looking at each other. Akumatsu was trying hard not to cry. Shuichi was already crying. Her eyes kept flickering to the bin, and his hands. He had washed his hands, but she still seemed to think of the blood there. What if she blamed him? Would she be mad? As children, everyone was told to be honest with people about your feelings in order to avoid the hanahaki disease. Would she think that he’s foolish for getting it?

“Wh-who is i-it?” Her voice cracked. “Is it- is it Momota? Harukawa? M-me?” He shook his head. 

“Please… promise me… you won’t tell anyone… if I tell you… you won’t tell anyone.” He murmured. She nodded, a tear escaping her eye. 

“I promise…” 

His voice trembled. He swore nobody would know. There’s no going back now that Akumatsu knows. “I’m in love with… Ouma.”

Akumatsu smiled quickly. “Don’t  _ joke _ about this, Saihara, please…”

“I’m not lying. I’m in love with him.” he wiped his tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I would never have guessed…” She paused. “When did it start?”

“Before Gokuhara’s trial. I… spent free time with him. He said he wanted my life, we played games. Then he told me he wanted my heart and he’d won it. B-but he didn’t actually know… how true, h-how true those words actually were.” his shoulders shook with sobs. It was the first time that he had talked to anybody about this. “A-and now I have the hanahaki… because it was a lie. Or he knew. Or he just wanted to see me suffer… o-or…”

“Saihara-kun. He doesn’t know. I swear. Nobody does… except me.” She said. She got up, walked to him and wrapped him in a hug. They sobbed into each other’s shoulders. Shuichi hugged back, her hair tickling his face. He just wanted to be in this moment forever. The circumstances could change, but all he wanted to do was hug his friend. He heard the door creak open, but he paid no mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to quiet his sobs. Akumatsu didn’t even try to cry quietly. 

“Saihara… Akumatsu… are you okay?” Momota’s voice was soft from the doorway. “I got worried when you ran off… then Akumatsu-kun was soon on your trail… I’m worried.”

Akumatsu pulled away. “We’re fine. Saihara-kun’s just stressed.”

“Then, why are you crying?”

She shrugged, then wiped her eyes. “It’s nothing. Can you give us a moment?”

Momota sighed. “Well, I guess I’ll wait out the door. But Akumatsu, if it seems like any funny business is going on, I’m telling Iruma.”

“Funny business? But… I’m a lesbian…” she mumbled as Momota closed the door. 

“Akumatsu… did you want to know the flower type?” Saihara said, trying to keep down his shaking voice. She nodded, sadly. “It’s Asphodel. A type of lily. The meaning is ‘my regrets follow you to the grave’. I-it makes me so sad how beautiful it looks- it- it looks against the b-blood.”

She took his hand, getting her emotions together. “Saihara-kun, you’re my best friend here. If I said he won’t ever love you, that would be a lie. Who couldn’t love you?”

“H-he doesn’t. If he did, we wouldn’t have to be talking about this right now.” Saihara signed, and wiped his face. “I guess now that you know… I can’t hide it. You’ll tell.”

“The only one I was thinking of telling was Tsumiki.” She admitted. 

“Can you… give me a while before you tell her?” He asked. “I just… want to feel like I’m in love for a while longer.” She nodded at his words. “Have you ever been in love, Akumatsu-kun?”

“I don’t know… I think so. I think I’m in love.” She said, nervously.

He drummed his fingers on his knees as he spoke. “You know that giddy, child-like feeling you get when you’re around… Iruma, I’m assuming… like a fluttery feeling. Sweet and innocent but full of emotion. I want to be able to feel that for a while longer.”

“What do you mean ‘just for a little while longer’?”

“I think if Tsumiki knows, I’ll have to get the surgery.”

Akumatsu stood. “Saihara. I told you. You’re impossible to not love. He will love you. He’ll grow to love you. I swear. Just… tell him how you feel.”

“I can’t do that… he  _ hates _ me. He won’t love me. This disease is  _ proof _ . He’ll  _ never _ love me.” He whispered. 

“Alright… I’ll give you a while. Just, keep the thought in your mind.” She exited. He followed her out. He wanted to breathe. He wanted to see his friends… and Ouma. Momota was still waiting outside the door. Akumatsu spoke again, “Follow me, I’ll take you to the common room. Everyone will be there.” 

The trio started walking, Shuichi lagging behind them, observing the halls. If they were going to be there for awhile, he had to memorize the halls. As they walked and Shuichi watched, he saw a nameplate. ‘Kiibo’. 

“I’m going to see Kiibo.” He spoke. Akumatsu and Momota stopped in their tracks but before they could say anything, he opened the door and stepped in. Kiibo was in a hospital gown, alike to everyone else’s. He laid asleep in the bed, tubes, an I.V., an oxygen mask all hooked up to him. Tsumiki was asleep in a chair in the corner. Shuichi’s eyes glanced over the stats and monitors. His condition looked stable enough. His eyes wandered and rested on a bucket with bloody surgical tools on top of bloody rags. There was a sizeable jar of sterilizing alcohol, discarded next to the bloody pile of tools. “What the hell happened here?” He whispered to himself.

“Saihara-kun! You’re not supposed to be in here!” Akumatsu hissed from the doorway. Shuichi took another glace before exiting. He closed the door carefully, not to wake Tsumiki. Thoughts of the room, and Kiibo’s obvious recent surgery, the blood, it haunted him. His thoughts roamed the tragic jungle of his mind. He still wasn’t used to everything that was going on. And seeing Kiibo in that state didn’t help. The only thing that he could think of to keep him centered was that Kiibo is alive. They were all alive. He was alive. Although not for long. All he could do is enjoy his time being alive and with his friends. 

“Akumatsu?” He whispered to her, so Momota wouldn’t hear. “Should I tell him?”

“Tell Momota?” She whispered back.

“No. Ouma… I don’t know if I want the surgery, and I don’t want to die… is it the best thing to just tell him?” 

Akumatsu looked like she was thinking hard. She opened her mouth to reply, but Momota interrupted her. “What are you two whispering about?”

“I’m sorry, I’m still adjusting.” Shuichi said. 

“Seems awfully secretive for adjusting.” He said. “Well, we all cope in our own ways. Talk to me if you need to.”

“Thanks.” 

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the common room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get all of my love if you can predict what happened to Kiibo ;))
> 
> as usual, my tumblr is eternallyheartbeating. 
> 
> My personal discord is https://discord.gg/uTtWx4m !! feel free to join and chat w us all about things


	6. Happy Times Abruptly End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I never update!! It's finals week right now and idk I guess I've been busy and lazy.

Shuichi wasn’t expecting to see what he saw as he entered the common room. Everyone was… happy. His friends were playing games on old boards, talking, laughing. He wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to everyone alive. Even ones that people didn’t like, Shinguuji, Ouma, were talking with people, maybe less, but they were both smiling with everyone.  There were also some unfamiliar faces, that he could only assume to be Remnants of Despair. Momota separated from them and went to sit with Harukawa. Akumatsu went to sit with Iruma. He glanced at Ouma, then followed Akumatsu.

“You okay, Saihara-kun?” Iruma asked as the two sat down. Shuichi nodded.

“Yeah, he’s just dealing with… things.” Akumatsu answered.

“Things… is he remembering things before the game? I was messed up too when that was happening.”

“No… I don’t want to think about that yet.” He said. 

“Hm. Makes sense.” Iruma said. “If you’re struggling, you can talk to any of us you know. Everyone likes you, Saihara, you’re kind. Everyone would be glad to help you through this.”

“That sounds fake, but okay.” He said under his breath. 

If Iruma had heard his comment, she didn’t pay any mind to it. “Well… what do you think of everyone here?”

“I haven’t actually met that many people here.” He admitted. 

Akumatsu perked up “Iruma-kun! Let’s introduce him to Kirigiri-san!”

“Who is Kirigiri? Everyone says that I would like her.” 

Iruma grinned “You will!” 

“C’mon, Saihara-kun, let’s go find her!” Akumatsu said, her and Iruma standing up. They started walking to go find her, without Shuichi having a say. He sighed, and got up and started trailing behind them. He gave a glance to the room, eyes landing on Ouma,  before he turned away and followed the girls, whom were holding hands. 

Shuichi’s hand trailed against the wall as he shadowed the two girls. They walked through some familiar twists and turns of the halls. They came across a door marked _Future_ _Foundation_. There was muffled talking, noises, clangs, and yelling. Akumatsu knocked on the door. A man with wild dreadlocks opened the door a crack “Yes?”

“May we speak with Kirigiri-san?” Akumatsu asked him. 

The man nodded. “Oi Kiyoko!” he called into the room. “Some of the kids are here to see you!” He shut the door as he walked back in.

The door opened and closed again, to reveal a tall woman, in her late twenties, as she stepped into the hall. She had intelligent eyes, and long pale hair half swept back, the rest cascading down her back. She wore a sensible suit, and leather gloves, a ring apparent through the gloves on her ring finger. 

“Yes?” she spoke. 

“You’re Kirigiri-san?” Shuichi asked. She nodded. “Naegi-san, your husband, I assume, said that we would get along. So has practically everyone.”

“Oh! You’re Saihara, aren’t you? You’re the Ultimate detective, I reckon?” 

“Yeah. That’s correct.”

She smiled warmly. “I used to be the Ultimate detective myself.” It made sense to Shuichi, everyone assuming that they would get along because of their alike talents. “I should get back to the meeting. It was good to meet you, Saihara.” She stepped back into the room. 

“So that’s why everyone wanted us to meet…” he said. Akumatsu nodded. 

“What would you like to do now? Or who do you want to talk to?” She asked as the trio started to slowly make their way down the hall. “You seem to be friends with everyone, though.”

“Maybe not everyone, but I would like to think so,” He chuckled. 

“Oh I hope we can visit Kiibo soon, you’d like that.”

“What happened to him?” Shuichi questioned. His eyes followed his feet as he walked.

“Oh…” Iruma breathed. “You don’t know.”

“He was just in surgery. Before you woke up.” Akumatsu started.

“I saw Tsumiki-san sleeping at his bedside.” He commented.

“Yeah, she hasn’t slept in days from what I can tell. Kiibo’s surgery took forever.” She said. “When he, uh, died, the simulation ripped a hole clean through his body. I’m not sure what Tsumiki-san did to keep him alive, but I’m so thankful that he lived.”

“Even his spine?” Shuichi shuttered. 

“From what I’ve heard, yeah.”

“Heh, I think Ouma-kun and Angie-kun were joking about having a seance in case Kiibo-chan died.” Iruma said jokingly. Shuichi’s face twisted at her comment. “Sorry.”

“I think I want to spend time with… everyone in the common room.” Shuichi said, changing the subject. “I can’t just spend time with one specific person.”

“Saihara-kun that’s so valid.” Akumatsu smiled. 

They chatted amongst themselves as they walked back to the common room. Shuichi tried to put on a smiling face. It was all so much to take in. He’d been here for two days already and he still wasn’t used to this. Everyone alive, and smiling, and not afraid. The only one who was afraid was Shuichi. And nobody knew. He slowly drifted out of the conversation and into his thoughts. He wondered what it would be like if everyone knew about what was happening to him. Would he be forced to get the surgery? Would they think differently of him?

It pained him to think how Ouma would react.

“Saihara-kun! I asked you a question!” Iruma’s loud voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hm? What was it?”

“Do you like anyone?”

“I suppose you could say that.”

Iruma snickered. “So you like someone? I bet it’s Momota or Kiibo or something.”

“Who are you to assume I’m gay?” He asked. “I mean, you’re not wrong, but…” 

“Hmm, Saihara, honey. I’m pansexual, I can tell. And my gaydar is off the charts!” Iruma joked. Akumatsu smiled and giggled. “Akumatsu~ do you know who our dear Saihara-kun likes?”

“Maybe…” She said teasingly. 

Shuichi’s heart clenched a bit. He knew they were joking, but they didn’t understand. “You really don’t need to know, Iruma-kun.”

She laughed. “I was pulling your leg, but okay.”

The two girls chattered amongst themselves. Shuichi let his thoughts roam, as he found himself doing quite a lot. He wasn’t thinking about why they were here or important things, his mind decided to go to cliche love story tropes. He wished he was part of a cliche love story instead of… this. He coughed into his hand, his throat felt like claws were scratching at it. He felt a hot splat of blood hit his palm. 

His love story was a tragedy, with no happy end in sight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put in a couple gay jokes because I'm a lesbian and I had to
> 
> We're going to get into the good stuff soon >>;)
> 
> comments are greatly appreciated!!


	7. Blood and Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy ;)  
> Part of this is in Kaede's POV btw

Days had gone by, casually talking to everyone, everyone except Ouma, and waiting for Kiibo to wake. Shuichi lied in his bed on his side, staring at the wall, hoping that his throat wouldn’t hurt as much.  He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. He clenched up with the anxiety of the disease. It had gotten worse, and he didn’t know what to do. He locked himself in his room the afternoon before and had stayed there.

The door creaked open, making a slight noise. 

“Please leave me alone,” Shuichi breathed. 

“I’m not going to leave. I… I’m worried about you,”  It was Ouma who entered. 

He sat up “Why would you be worried about  _ me _ ?” 

Ouma looked small in the doorway, trying to shift so Shuichi couldn’t see his scarred arms. “You’ve ignored me, which is understandable but it still hurts a bit, and now you’re cutting yourself off from everyone, and they don’t deserve that. Even you hate me, you shouldn’t hide yourself from everyone.”

“I don’t,” He paused to cough a bit, “Hate you. I don’t hate anyone here.”

“Don’t lie, Saihara. Everyone hates me, it’s no secret.”

His heart hurt “Some may hate you, but I don’t, I swear.”

Ouma looked conflicted. “Anyway, you should come and spend time with everyone.”

“You don’t understand.”

“What the hell don’t I understand? I know that you’re going to hurt your friends if you close yourself off from everybody.”

As he felt petals twisting up his throat, he choked them down and squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry. “None of you understand. Please… please leave.”

Ouma’s face twisted. “Fine if you do hate me that much, I guess I’ll leave.” He slammed the door behind him. 

Shuichi couldn’t even move before the petals and flowers came tumbling out. He hacked up blood and the perfume of the flowers clogged his nose. He gagged on them, feeling like throwing up. He stood up, trembling and left, mind set on finding Akumatsu. His head spun, feeling more and more lightheaded with every step. Somehow, after what seemed like forever, he arrived in the common room.

“A-ku-matsu…” He wheezed. The room was spinning. 

“Saihara-kun? Are you okay?” She asked. 

He coughed, choking out blood and petals. He felt his throat closing up, clogged with thick hot blood and flowers. He heard screams, but he collapsed to the floor and the world went black.

_____________________________

He awoke to an oxygen mask on his face and everyone standing over his bed. “Saihara you idiot…” Akumatsu cried. “You should have told Tsumiki-san sooner. It shouldn’t have come to this… I’m the worst.”

“Y-you knew?” Shirogane asked, silent sobs shaking her shoulders. Akumatsu nodded sadly. 

“You should’ve told us.” Momota said, trying to keep a strong face on as Harukawa sobbed into his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry…” he whispered through the mask. He saw Ouma in the corner, a horrified look on his face. A jolt shot through his heart and he choked up more petals into the mask. The sounds of sobs got louder as the world faded from him… 

_____________________________

Kaede’s hands trembled. Seeing her best friend suffering caused her the greatest pain she’d ever felt. Seeing someone you love suffer is worse than dying, that Kaede knew. She muffled her sobs with her hand. 

“W-who is it?” Momota’s voice shook, his brave face disappearing. “Who did this to him?”

Nobody said anything. Guilt hung in the air.

“I know.” Kaede said. 

“Who is it?” Amami whispered from the other side of the bed. 

“I-I don’t know if I should say.” She tried not to glance at Ouma.

Iruma took her arm. “Please, Kaede.” She gasped, Iruma had never used her given name before. 

She broke down. Sobs wrecked her body. “I-It’s, it’s, O-Ouma… k-kun.” Her fingers splayed over her face, disrupting the path of her wet tears. “P-please… just…” She didn’t know how to figure out how to finish her sentence. She just cried. 

“ _ What _ ?” Ouma managed. He looked shocked and scared. A tear rolled down his cheek and Kaede knew that it wasn’t crocodile tears. “I…” 

“How the f-fuck did he manage to fall in love with a parasite like  _ you _ .” Harumaki spat. 

“No…” Ouma whispered, tears falling quickly now. “I didn’t mean this… I didn’t… I don’t…” 

Some continued to cry, some glared at Ouma. Akumatsu just sat, staring down, holding Saihara’s limp hand, watching her tears fall onto his pale skin.

“No. No. No, no, no, no…” She heard Ouma cry. “Not this too… no… no.”

“What the hell do you mean?” Harukawa hissed.

“You don’t understand… what I’ve been going through…” The boy cried. “Please, you don’t understand… And now it’s my fault…” He spouted.

“Stop fuckin’ babblin’.” Iruma hissed through clenched teeth. “Just spit it out, damn it.”

“Y-you’ve seen the scars… you know what my life used to be like… “

“Nobody knows shit!” Momota roared, his temper rising.

“Everything has gone to hell.”

The door creaked open, to reveal a tall, scrawny man with messy hair. Komaeda. His eyes swirled with light and darkness. “Oh, children, so petty and pitiful.” He spoke. “Do not worry, the best will come out of his death.”

This time Chabashira spoke up. “He’s not dead, you asshole!”

“My, my, my…” he chuckled. “Not yet. Because whoever failed to love him has no chance to fix this, our dear Saihara has little time.” Ouma fell to his knees, a devastated look on his face. His eyes were wide with fear and guilt. 

A man with short spiky hair appeared in the doorway, Kaede recognized him as Hinata, but didn’t care enough to say anything. “Nagito, come on let’s go. Don’t do this right now.” He dragged him away, saying small phrases to him just in time for Tsumiki to walk up to the door and shoot a glare at the two. 

“Everyone out!” She shrieked. Everyone shuffled out, a sad aura hanging around them. Akumatsu stood in the doorway for a moment, looking back. Saihara looked so pitiful where he was. It broke her heart. Ouma was slowly getting up. He got a quick glimmer in his eye. He wiped his eyes and ran out, past Akumatsu. She saw him snatch something from Harukawa’s pocket, then he ran off, but she thought nothing of it. She walked up to Iruma who was waiting for her. She sunk into her girlfriend’s arms, wanting nothing but comfort. 

_____________________________

Shuichi woke with a gasp. The oxygen mask was clean and his room empty, the only one with him was Tsumiki with a concerned look on her face. 

“Who is it?” She asked, her voice soft and comforting. 

“Do you need to know?” He managed to whisper. She nodded. All of her seemed softer, her tone, her stance, her movements. He felt comfortable around her. “Ouma…” 

“Hm. The purple one.”

“Erm. Yeah. Can you take this mask off?” He asked. She shook her head.

“I’m very sorry, I know all too well what you’re going through. I cannot take you off oxygen, you might die if I do. The Hanahaki has gotten to the point where it’s taking up so much room in your lungs and throat that you need this extra air.” She got up and started raiding the cabinets. “I’m going to give you an I.V. with nutrients and vitamins, yeah? You probably won’t be able to eat without being in tremendous pain, so this is the only way to keep your body as healthy as possible.”

“H-how do you know?”

“I once had the disease as well. Why don’t you tell me your flower, honey.”

Shuichi felt his eyes widen. “Who was it?”

“Tell me your flower, Saihara.” she said more forcefully.

“I will if you tell me.”

She sighed. “I loved Enoshima Junko. I got the surgery.”

“I- uh, my flower is asphodel. The meaning is ‘my regrets follow you to the grave’.” She pushed an I.V. into his forearm as he spoke. He winced a bit. “D-does Ouma-kun know of this?”

“I believe so, yes. He was crying along with the others, but his pain seemed to be different.”

“Oh god… oh no…” he whispered. “No, no, no. I have to get up, I have to talk to him.”

“Maybe that’s not such a good idea,” Tsumiki mumbled.

“Can the oxygen be hooked to the I.V. pole?”

She nodded. 

“Please, you have to let me go to him… Please!” He cried. 

“Fine.” Tsumiki sighed, starting to hook the oxygen to the I.V. “Be very careful, and come back immediately. And when you get back, we might discuss beginning.”

“Beginning what?”

“The surgery.” 

He ignored her as she mentioned getting rid of it. As much as he hated this suffering that it caused him and others, he didn’t want his love to go away. He shifted into a sitting position, and grabbed the I.V. pole, and exited. He couldn’t change anything, but maybe, just maybe he could give Ouma some comfort before he might die. Not might. When he dies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry! It gets worse!!
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated!  
> Thank you all so much for your continued support!


	8. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hewwo everybody, I started writing this last year, and this story still means a lot to me. I didn't finish it, but I still had a lot planned that I never got written or included.

This account is nothing but an archive of my old work, but I am starting new on my new account: klljoyz. I am going to be rewriting this one because it means so much to me, and I will try and continue it and not abandon it as I did with this one.

Thank you all so much if you read this and I hope you check out the continuation of this story.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh!!!!!! I've been working on this au for weeks now and I'm so excited to share it!! There's concept art and character designs on my tumblr (eternallyheartbeating) on the tag #breck's art
> 
> Please leave comments! It means so much to me and I love hearing what you guys have to say. Also, feel free to send an ask with questions about this au on my tumblr (listed above)  
> I'm so excited to share this!


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